worst vasectomy ever, but funny.

worst ever, yet funny

Worst yet funniest story about a vasectomy

A couple years ago after me and the wife decided to stop having kids. Well I guess she decided not to have anymore. We decided I should get a vasectomy. I consulted the doctor I was going to use and he assured me he had done hundreds and hundreds of this fairly simple procedure. This procedure entails opening of the scrotal sack and then cutting the left and right vas deferens and then cauterizing them. This causes the flow of sperm to cease.

The day of the operation I went and picked up my one valium I was prescribed and showed up in the waiting room, I read the pamphlet on all the things that could go wrong which includes constant pain (for life) pain during ejaculation and infection leading to loss of all sexual function. This was not reassuring, but I also know these are 1 in thousands of a chance to happen.

I was instructed to take my valium so it would be in full effect when I went in the office. Ok valium is a neat drug, it relaxes you and makes you feel real good...... for about 20 minutes.... I was called in about 35 after I took the drug. No good relaxation for me.

I dropped trou and was seated on the chair (of doom) The doctor matter of factly grabbed my manhood and said "this will sting for a second" As he injected a novicane type drug into the left side of my stuff, then again on the right. 4 or 5 minutes later he told me he was going to incise. "Stop!!!" I yelled, because apparently the novicane hadn't taken full effect yet and I felt a sharp pain as he "incised". After another round of novicane he incised again and this time there was nothing but an uncomfortable feeling, but manageable. He then did the right side, and once again it was just an uncomfortable feeling, the right vas def done and cauterized he moved to the left..... Ok this was as if no numbness had taken effect. Guys will relate, just imgine a knife inside you sack cutting and slicing. Yes that is what it felt like. I yelled at the doctor and I am sure the whole waiting room heard me. His response was "Do you have trouble at the dentist when he numbs you?" Are you kidding me?!?!? That was what he said!!! I said no and waited for another round of novacane, It set in and I felt nothing except the uncomfortable feeling.

A couple minutes into the left side.. "Whoops!" The doctor actually said that. Apparantly he had cut the vas def on the left side and it got away from him. The top part coiled up and went basicsally into my lower abdomen. Two more medical personel were called in to assist and after yanking and pulling they got hold of it. The uncomfortable feeling had become unbearable and as I lay in my pool of sweat I thought about how it would have been better to work seventy hours a week to support ten kids.

After it was over My wife was lead in and told to take me out the back way. Im not kidding, they made me go out the back door so the other guys wouldn't have to see my limping sweating obviously in pain spectacle.

No bad after effects....... Except one, my wife is four months pregnant and after my three day tyraid on her infidelity I had my sperm checked and it was alive and well!!!!! ( of course I was supposed to have done that a year ago, but I wasn't about to go back to that doctor for any reason.

Mortimas